MD2: 1 Me: 0

So, this probably isn’t the best time to be writing a post, but I’m going to go ahead, be real, and do it anyway. Most of the time I try to write cheerfully and with as much positivity as possible. But when I think about it, I guess it’s important for everyone to know, it’s not all rainbows and lollipops around here. My goal with this blog is to let people know what we go through as medical students, let people know what to look forward to, and to give me something to reflect upon in the future. So capturing the tough moments is as important as the happy ones. Prepare for some verbal diarrhea:

In this moment, today feels like one of the most difficult and disappointing days of my life. It was the first day of block one exams in MD2. They were tough. MD2 has been vigorous so far. Especially physiology. For the past several weeks, school has consumed my life (not that it hasn’t since I started in September). The material has been difficult, and the pace has been insane. From the moment I have opened my eyes in the morning, the focus has been class material. When I go to bed at night, I fall asleep either listening to lectures, watching youtube videos about whatever concepts we are learning about in class, or watching extra video lectures (usually at 1.5X speed so that I can get them in faster, even though it makes the lecturer sound like a chipmunk). I have barely spoken with my friends and family from home, other than the odd text message here and there or a 5 minute Skype call on the odd occasion. This disconnection has been hard for me because I need these close relationships to keep me going and to remind me why what I am doing is so important. When I was home at Christmas, there was so much going on with everyone. I sit back and realize, I don’t even know where everything stands, and that really bothers me. I have faith that everything is being taken care of and that everyone is doing OK, but I still feel the disconnection and that really hurts. I feel selfish because everything I have is being put into what I am doing here.

When you are in this kind of program, you miss out on so much in life. You talk to best friends and find out they are going away with their boyfriend for a week (“oh, you have a boyfriend?!”). Your sister is getting ready to get married and you have no part in it. Close friends and family members are facing huge health obstacles and you can not be around to help, physically, emotionally, or otherwise. Your cousin’s children are growing up before your eyes, and you only see this through Facebook photos. You go weeks without talking to the people who are closest to you sometimes. I am the type of person who has always been the first one there in a time of crisis. To provide an ear, support, and guidance. I can’t do this now, and it is so hard.

Anyways, back to school, and back to this day. Despite having had to disconnect from everything that is important to me and despite countless hours of studying, exams today did not go well. The physiology exam was very first thing this morning. I left the exam feeling horrible. Immediately after the exam was finished, a bunch of us headed to the library to cram for the neuroscience exam which was happening a couple of hours later. About an hour after the exam was finished, someone noticed that the marks were already posted. I logged in (which was a mistake) and found out that I failed the exam. I failed by only a couple of points, but I have never failed an exam in my life, and my heart started pounding…I felt like I was going to be sick. The library was filled with my classmates. Everyone was checking marks, everyone who checked, failed. You could feel the disappointment in the room. I have never put so much work into something to receive such poor results. I immediately regretted even looking as I tried to maintain focus on neuroscience, knowing I hadn’t studied enough for that course because of all of the time I had spent on this exam that I hadn’t passed anyhow. This had to be the most discouraging this I had ever felt. There is a difference between knowing that you didn’t put enough time or effort into something and doing poorly, but to put everything that you have into something, and still not do well STINKS. I didn’t care that everyone else seemed to do poorly as well. I wouldn’t care if the class average was 10%. My standards are higher than that. I feel at a loss. Aside from NEVER sleeping, I don’t know what else I can do differently. I can only hope that in this process I learned how to better study for the course. I know that there’s no way I will let this defeat me and I will do whatever it takes to win. I guess that means stepping it up one notch higher. To top that off, I didn’t feel like the neuroscience exam went as well as I would have wanted because I had put so much energy into the physiology exam. What a vicious cycle.

Another tough part about it all is, you get home after it all…feeling so terrible, and now you have to buckle down and get right back into the books because you get to do it all over again on Monday when you write the other half of your exams. You know you have to…because there is so much material to go through and you have to do well in your other courses, but you really just want to curl up in bed and sleep the afternoon away. Or go to the beach. Or spend the night on the phone with your family. But, back to the books I go….

I apologize again for the negative post, but I am sure any other student out there can relate to the fact that this is the way we feel sometimes. I wanted to write this post right as I was feeling the way I am in this moment. This journey is one of many ups and downs. The stress and the fight is real, and you’ve gotta fight till the end. I will say though, that not one part of me regrets my decision, and not one part of me wants to give up.

Pack it in!

I am halfway through finals and getting ready to go home in a few days. I'll return as an MD2 and there will be a whole new crew of MD1 students starting up. I've been getting tons of emails from incoming students asking for advice on various things. By far, the most frequent question I am getting is "What do I pack? It is so hard!" I remember having these troubles myself! So this post is for all of you incoming students trying to decide how to use your precious packing space. At the end of the day, don't forget that after four months (which will FLY by), you will get to go home and replenish your stock. Don't worry about getting every pair of shoes you own into that suitcase! When you go home and then come back, you can bring those beloved belongings with you the second go round. It will feel like having a whole new wardrobe!

Here are some things that you may want to consider squeezing in:

1. "School Supplies" - You probably want to bring most of your school supplies (paper, pens, whatever) because it is hard to find good quality stuff here that doesn't have outrageous pricing. Make sure you bring pencils as all of the tests are done on scantron. You can buy stuff here, it just might not be what you are used to using.

2. Seat cushion- the seats in the classrooms as super uncomfortable...I am talking PLASTIC. You may want a thin cushion to sit on since you have to sit there all day long. Most people have that on the top of their list of things to bring back with them after Xmas.

3. External hard drive - You will go through the space on your computer quickly. Also, lots of files (PDFs, videos, etc) get passed around at the beginning of the semester so extra storage space is helpful if you want to take advantage of these awesome resources. 

4. Clothes - Make sure you bring some warmer clothes. A lot of people packed only "summer" clothing - and the classrooms are quite chilly with the A/C (People currently sit in class cuddled up in their snuggles!)  You may want a set of scrubs for lab and for volunteer events (if you choose to do them). Also make sure to bring some business casual clothing for presentations.

5. Toiletries -  I'd suggest bringing enough toiletries to get you through till christmas. They are expensive here - toothpaste, mouthwash, body wash, etc. For the ladies, bring enough make up and stuff to get you through, especially if you are picky. You can't find anything that is decent quality on the island. Also, things like hair clips, hair ties, bobby pins, etc. You can find some of the same things at home but it can be difficult sometimes. If you like certain lotions and stuff, bring them!

6. Medications -  If you are on any prescription meds, bring enough to last until christmas. They won't fill your prescriptions here, you will have to see an island doctor for a new script, and some medications aren't available. You may also want a stock of over the counter stuff that you use because you can't find everything here and some of it is expensive (ex. Advil, allergy medication, cough drops, etc).

7. Kitchen supplies - Most of the apartments come pretty well stocked with kitchen stuff…but if there is anything specific you want you may want to bring it because it's expensive to buy things. Ex. I brought my magic bullet and rice cooker because I can't live without them. You can sometimes find things to buy off other students that are leaving. Oh, and you might want to bring some tupperware, so you don't have to buy it here.

8. Food - you can find most food items on the island. I wouldn't waste too much room trying to bring dry goods and things because you can most likely get it here, or at least something similar. If you are crazy about certain spices (ex. to cook indian foods) you may want to bring some but you can find most things.

9. Afterbite and bug spray. Mosquitos/sand flies are relentless.

10. Work out gear -  if you like to work out. We do yoga and T25/insanity at the school regularly so if you'd like to join in bring some stuff! 

11. Powerbar -  outlets in the classrooms are limited…it is helpful if a few students bring power bars so everyone can plug in!

12. Textbooks - a lot of people have questions about whether or not to buy books at home and bring them with you. Lots of upper year students are always selling their textbooks so I'd save the space if you can. Textbooks are also available as PDF files and are made available to all students - just depends if you are the type of person who likes to have a hardcopy. Some students get by without textbooks at all but that is an individual preference. Teachers typically make their powerpoint slides straight from the books, but the actual textbooks can be great for reference material, a lot of people find they don't need the textbooks at all. I would definitely recommend the BRS books, especially for embryology, histology, and anatomy. They have great practice questions and are a good summary of high yield material (they are available as PDFs as well).

Those are my main suggestions. If any current students are reading this and have suggestions of their own, please feel free to leave them in the comments section at the bottom of this page! Happy packing and looking forward to meeting everyone next semester!!

Craniotomy...I think it was just what the doctor ordered!

Down to the wire now, only five more days of classes and final exams after that and I will be home! I am so excited to see my family and friends, I find myself aching for them more and more. Of course we still have an embryology quiz tomorrow (which I should probably be studying for...but I feel pretty confident) and a histology group presentation on retinal detachment later this week. The end is finally in sight, although there is a lot of work and studying involved in getting there. I am finding myself feeling quite burnt out. Learning and studying all day every day for four months really wears a person down. It's hard to find the stamina to keep pushing through. I find myself more and more distracted, thinking about going home and getting these subjects behind me. I know I just need to put my head down and get through this, even though I'm kind of tired of putting in all the effort.

At the beginning of this block, I was so fed up with anatomy already. The enormous amount of material that you have to memorize is absolutely insane. I thought to myself -- "OK, head and neck...that's all that's left. Can't be that bad". WRONG. Just because the head and neck physically take up less space than the rest of the body doesn't mean jack. There are so many tiny vessels and nerves to be crammed. The famous twelve cranial nerves might be the death of me. The skull is full of tiny little holes and you have to know what each one is there for...what travels in and out of them. Every move you make from a stuck out tongue, a flare of the nostrils, or a wink of the eye has such a complicated pathway to make it happen. How does the brain do all of these things? What will happen if there is the tiniest problem with one of the nerves? How does each part of the head and face get it's blood supply? What lymph nodes drain fluid from each part? And hey, quick, learn this in a couple of weeks.

Today was definitely one of the most awesome days in the lab -- we did a craniotomy. I helped to manually saw off the skull of my cadaver and remove the brain. What a rush! And a lot of work....a couple of the other students and I stayed in lab an hour late, sawing away. Then we took a chisel and hammer to the skull to get it off and finally got at the master control centre of our body. Holding a human brain in your hands is definitely a once in a lifetime experience. It's hard to believe everything we think, do, say, and feel comes from this slimy, intricate organ.

What else has been happening? Other than study, study, study...not a heck of a lot. Most people seem to be feeling the same way as me, just doggy paddling toward the light at the end of the tunnel (well...the tunnel that is MD1, anyway). The students in MD4 are getting ready to have their White Coat Ceremony on the weekend, then they leave the island for good and get to move on to the next chapter. I can't imagine how they must be feeling. It will be sad to see them go! They are a great group that bring a lot of energy to our school. I'll miss my group of friends that I do yoga with at lunch three days a week, and others that I have become close with in the last several months. I am sure we will cross paths again in Chicago. And hey, they can keep in touch and give us the low down about what happens on the other side.

In my last post I was mentioning that we were going to be celebrating American Thanksgiving at our place -- we did, and it was awesome! About half of our class showed up to the potluck. There was an insane amount of amazing food and it was great for everyone to just relax and have a few hours to not worry about school. It was a little late for the Canadians, but it was a night of reflection and thanks. We are all going through this thing together, we are together all day long five days a week, and it is nice when once in awhile we all do something that is not related to school.

What a feast :)

ROOMIES! 

Our MD1 Clan :)

Well...I must get studying for this embryology test tomorrow. The countdown to home continues!

XOXOX

23 days till rooster, goat, and cadaver free!

The countdown is officially on until I will be home for Christmas break --- only 23 more days and I get to spend two whole weeks back in Ontario. I must say, the homesickness has really kicked in the past couple of weeks. I must say…I think that is one of the most challenging things about this experience - being away from my family for so long. I find myself fantasizing multiple times a day now about what it's going to be like to see my sister for the first time after so long and give her a HUGE hug. I miss them all so much. Two weeks definitely isn't going to feel like enough time, that is one thing I know for sure.

I've been here for 3 months now, written 18 exams, taken 12 smaller tests, dissected the human body from the neck down (we still have to dissect the neck and the head this block). The amount of information we are expected to learn is absolutely unbelievable. It's amazing and interesting and overwhelming all at the same time. It's kind of like trying to drink out of a fireman's hose…you just can't possibly drink that much no matter how thirsty you are.

I would definitely say I have adapted to things here, gotten into more of a routine, and have learned how I need to study. I've accepted that there's a ton of stress. It comes in intervals. Exams are once a month - you spend two weeks of the month going crazy with stress, you get through it, then it gets a little better. You find ways to cope with that. I've made good friends that are supportive, talk to people at home that remind me why this is all so important, get exercise, and take time for myself. These things all get me through. My focus is better - I guess this comes with practice. Things are going well. This is an endurance race it's important to keep things slow and steady and keep your head in the game.

I've done lots of awesome things since my last post. Right after the last set of block exams a big group of us went over and spent the night in St. Martin for a mini-vacation. One of the hotels there offer a "local price" which is a great deal. We celebrated one of our classmate's birthdays, did some shopping, and had a fun night out.

Here are some photos from our night out in St. Martin. I learned how to eat with chopsticks (sort of). I am still practicing!

I participated in the Breast Cancer Walk of Hope, which was a five mile walk/run through Anguilla to raise awareness about breast cancer screening and prevention with some of my classmates.

This was a group of students that participated in the Breast Cancer Walk. There were hundreds of community members that participated as well. It took place right after writing a couple of exams so it was a great way to blow off some steam.

As part of the SGA, we organized an "Olympiad", which was sort of like a student appreciation day. There were a bunch of organized games in which students competed against students in other classes in various events, and we provided lunch and drinks. I'm proud to say our MD1 class beat out the other classes that day :D

This is most of the MD1 group of students that participated in the Olympics (THE CHAMPIONS!)

Classes were cancelled today due to a huge power outage on the island (half of the island lost power for about 8 hours). We considered this our equivalent of a "snow day" - and a bunch of us hit the beach for the day. It was really nice that this happened right after exams because we could kind of take it easy and relax rather than spend the day studying. Here are a couple nice island shots:

 

My Roomie Mike and I at the beach today on our "snow day"

So, as you can probably tell, life's been busy but I've still been able to find time to have a life outside of school. The upcoming few weeks before the break will also be hectic. There is another round of exams right before break, we have a group presentation to do, a paper to write, and a bunch of tests in between. American Thanksgiving is tomorrow, so we are throwing a huge MD1 family potluck at our place tomorrow night (TURKEY and all!), and there is another Red Cross event next weekend. This should help the time until Christmas vacation pass quickly :)

XOXOXOXO