MD2 is halfway finished already. It is so hard to believe because it has gone so fast already. I would definitely say that the work load and the stress level have been higher this semester. I think I have finally gotten the swing of how I need to study for the classes that I am taking and what I need to do to be successful in them, but it’s been a tough go thus far. I am not sure if I mentioned in my last post, but my classes this semester are Biochemistry, Physiology, Neuroscience, Genetics, Research in Medicine, and Clinical Correlates in Basic Sciences. To be honest, I am enjoying my classes this semester a lot more than last. The material is a lot more conceptual rather than straight memorization and the information is a lot more practical. But, because it isn’t just memorizing, there is no jamming it all into your head and spitting it out onto the exam paper, and moving on. Understanding all of the concepts takes a lot of time. The professors (especially in physiology and neuroscience) have really stepped it up with exam questions as well, and overall, the exams are much more challenging. A lot of people are struggling, and we have lost quite a few classmates over the last couple of months.

The other big difference I have found this semester is that we have a TON of group projects and presentations. Last month, I had three presentations to do, as well as four group assignments, on top of our regular studying. When you are used to studying from 530 at night when you are finished with classes until midnight or so, and now you have to sacrifice 5 or 6 hours a week for group projects, it feels a little overwhelming. I totally understand the importance of these things though. Doctors need to have exceptional time management skills, need to be able to collaborate well with others, and need to be able to present information comfortably to large groups of people, and that’s what they are trying to have us do easily.

The social life and beach time have definitely declined from last semester as well. It’s really a crunch for time, all of the time. We have made time for a couple of beach trips. Usually right after we take a set of exams, we head to the beach immediately after to relax for a few hours. I try to take Friday nights off to relax with my friends when it isn’t too close to exams as well. The weekend after Block 1 exams, a whole bunch of us went to St Martin for a night to celebrate Birthdays of a bunch of people in our class which was a lot of fun.

St. Martin

The SGA Welcome BBQ

Post Block Beach Afternoon

 I am still working with the SGA, and my huge project since I took on the role of Historian in September was to get an SGA run school website going, and it is finally launched (although not totally complete). It is hard to put a ton of time into it because school has to come first but I have been plugging at it a little bit at a time. The link for the website is: www.sjsmsga.org if anybody would like to check it out! There are lots of pictures of the school campus on there, and pictures from various student events that we have held as well. I know a lot of people have no idea what the campus looks like or what to expect so I think I got a pretty accurate representation on there.

Despite being so busy, I have been missing the hospital SO MUCH lately. I guess this is good in a way, because I know that it is where I really belong. I will be sitting in class and so many things we are learning about will remind me of a patient that I have had or something that happened on a shift I was working, and I just miss the excitement and the interactions and how I always felt when I was there. Nursing was one of the biggest parts of my life for over 6 years and I am missing being there. I really can’t wait for clinical rotations to start. That should take care of that I suppose. You have to walk before you run.

The next couple of months here are going to be really nice for me! I have my Mom and Mike, my aunt and uncle, and my grandparents coming to visit in a couple of weeks(they are staying in St Martin) so I am going to be able to spend some time with them. I also have friends from Barrie that are staying in St Martin at the beginning of April who are going to come to Anguilla for a tour as well. It will be so nice to have some people from home here!

Anyways, I know it’s been awhile between posts, but there haven’t been too many exciting things happen and it has been incredibly busy!

XOXO

MD2: 1 Me: 0

So, this probably isn’t the best time to be writing a post, but I’m going to go ahead, be real, and do it anyway. Most of the time I try to write cheerfully and with as much positivity as possible. But when I think about it, I guess it’s important for everyone to know, it’s not all rainbows and lollipops around here. My goal with this blog is to let people know what we go through as medical students, let people know what to look forward to, and to give me something to reflect upon in the future. So capturing the tough moments is as important as the happy ones. Prepare for some verbal diarrhea:

In this moment, today feels like one of the most difficult and disappointing days of my life. It was the first day of block one exams in MD2. They were tough. MD2 has been vigorous so far. Especially physiology. For the past several weeks, school has consumed my life (not that it hasn’t since I started in September). The material has been difficult, and the pace has been insane. From the moment I have opened my eyes in the morning, the focus has been class material. When I go to bed at night, I fall asleep either listening to lectures, watching youtube videos about whatever concepts we are learning about in class, or watching extra video lectures (usually at 1.5X speed so that I can get them in faster, even though it makes the lecturer sound like a chipmunk). I have barely spoken with my friends and family from home, other than the odd text message here and there or a 5 minute Skype call on the odd occasion. This disconnection has been hard for me because I need these close relationships to keep me going and to remind me why what I am doing is so important. When I was home at Christmas, there was so much going on with everyone. I sit back and realize, I don’t even know where everything stands, and that really bothers me. I have faith that everything is being taken care of and that everyone is doing OK, but I still feel the disconnection and that really hurts. I feel selfish because everything I have is being put into what I am doing here.

When you are in this kind of program, you miss out on so much in life. You talk to best friends and find out they are going away with their boyfriend for a week (“oh, you have a boyfriend?!”). Your sister is getting ready to get married and you have no part in it. Close friends and family members are facing huge health obstacles and you can not be around to help, physically, emotionally, or otherwise. Your cousin’s children are growing up before your eyes, and you only see this through Facebook photos. You go weeks without talking to the people who are closest to you sometimes. I am the type of person who has always been the first one there in a time of crisis. To provide an ear, support, and guidance. I can’t do this now, and it is so hard.

Anyways, back to school, and back to this day. Despite having had to disconnect from everything that is important to me and despite countless hours of studying, exams today did not go well. The physiology exam was very first thing this morning. I left the exam feeling horrible. Immediately after the exam was finished, a bunch of us headed to the library to cram for the neuroscience exam which was happening a couple of hours later. About an hour after the exam was finished, someone noticed that the marks were already posted. I logged in (which was a mistake) and found out that I failed the exam. I failed by only a couple of points, but I have never failed an exam in my life, and my heart started pounding…I felt like I was going to be sick. The library was filled with my classmates. Everyone was checking marks, everyone who checked, failed. You could feel the disappointment in the room. I have never put so much work into something to receive such poor results. I immediately regretted even looking as I tried to maintain focus on neuroscience, knowing I hadn’t studied enough for that course because of all of the time I had spent on this exam that I hadn’t passed anyhow. This had to be the most discouraging this I had ever felt. There is a difference between knowing that you didn’t put enough time or effort into something and doing poorly, but to put everything that you have into something, and still not do well STINKS. I didn’t care that everyone else seemed to do poorly as well. I wouldn’t care if the class average was 10%. My standards are higher than that. I feel at a loss. Aside from NEVER sleeping, I don’t know what else I can do differently. I can only hope that in this process I learned how to better study for the course. I know that there’s no way I will let this defeat me and I will do whatever it takes to win. I guess that means stepping it up one notch higher. To top that off, I didn’t feel like the neuroscience exam went as well as I would have wanted because I had put so much energy into the physiology exam. What a vicious cycle.

Another tough part about it all is, you get home after it all…feeling so terrible, and now you have to buckle down and get right back into the books because you get to do it all over again on Monday when you write the other half of your exams. You know you have to…because there is so much material to go through and you have to do well in your other courses, but you really just want to curl up in bed and sleep the afternoon away. Or go to the beach. Or spend the night on the phone with your family. But, back to the books I go….

I apologize again for the negative post, but I am sure any other student out there can relate to the fact that this is the way we feel sometimes. I wanted to write this post right as I was feeling the way I am in this moment. This journey is one of many ups and downs. The stress and the fight is real, and you’ve gotta fight till the end. I will say though, that not one part of me regrets my decision, and not one part of me wants to give up.

Pack it in!

I am halfway through finals and getting ready to go home in a few days. I'll return as an MD2 and there will be a whole new crew of MD1 students starting up. I've been getting tons of emails from incoming students asking for advice on various things. By far, the most frequent question I am getting is "What do I pack? It is so hard!" I remember having these troubles myself! So this post is for all of you incoming students trying to decide how to use your precious packing space. At the end of the day, don't forget that after four months (which will FLY by), you will get to go home and replenish your stock. Don't worry about getting every pair of shoes you own into that suitcase! When you go home and then come back, you can bring those beloved belongings with you the second go round. It will feel like having a whole new wardrobe!

Here are some things that you may want to consider squeezing in:

1. "School Supplies" - You probably want to bring most of your school supplies (paper, pens, whatever) because it is hard to find good quality stuff here that doesn't have outrageous pricing. Make sure you bring pencils as all of the tests are done on scantron. You can buy stuff here, it just might not be what you are used to using.

2. Seat cushion- the seats in the classrooms as super uncomfortable...I am talking PLASTIC. You may want a thin cushion to sit on since you have to sit there all day long. Most people have that on the top of their list of things to bring back with them after Xmas.

3. External hard drive - You will go through the space on your computer quickly. Also, lots of files (PDFs, videos, etc) get passed around at the beginning of the semester so extra storage space is helpful if you want to take advantage of these awesome resources. 

4. Clothes - Make sure you bring some warmer clothes. A lot of people packed only "summer" clothing - and the classrooms are quite chilly with the A/C (People currently sit in class cuddled up in their snuggles!)  You may want a set of scrubs for lab and for volunteer events (if you choose to do them). Also make sure to bring some business casual clothing for presentations.

5. Toiletries -  I'd suggest bringing enough toiletries to get you through till christmas. They are expensive here - toothpaste, mouthwash, body wash, etc. For the ladies, bring enough make up and stuff to get you through, especially if you are picky. You can't find anything that is decent quality on the island. Also, things like hair clips, hair ties, bobby pins, etc. You can find some of the same things at home but it can be difficult sometimes. If you like certain lotions and stuff, bring them!

6. Medications -  If you are on any prescription meds, bring enough to last until christmas. They won't fill your prescriptions here, you will have to see an island doctor for a new script, and some medications aren't available. You may also want a stock of over the counter stuff that you use because you can't find everything here and some of it is expensive (ex. Advil, allergy medication, cough drops, etc).

7. Kitchen supplies - Most of the apartments come pretty well stocked with kitchen stuff…but if there is anything specific you want you may want to bring it because it's expensive to buy things. Ex. I brought my magic bullet and rice cooker because I can't live without them. You can sometimes find things to buy off other students that are leaving. Oh, and you might want to bring some tupperware, so you don't have to buy it here.

8. Food - you can find most food items on the island. I wouldn't waste too much room trying to bring dry goods and things because you can most likely get it here, or at least something similar. If you are crazy about certain spices (ex. to cook indian foods) you may want to bring some but you can find most things.

9. Afterbite and bug spray. Mosquitos/sand flies are relentless.

10. Work out gear -  if you like to work out. We do yoga and T25/insanity at the school regularly so if you'd like to join in bring some stuff! 

11. Powerbar -  outlets in the classrooms are limited…it is helpful if a few students bring power bars so everyone can plug in!

12. Textbooks - a lot of people have questions about whether or not to buy books at home and bring them with you. Lots of upper year students are always selling their textbooks so I'd save the space if you can. Textbooks are also available as PDF files and are made available to all students - just depends if you are the type of person who likes to have a hardcopy. Some students get by without textbooks at all but that is an individual preference. Teachers typically make their powerpoint slides straight from the books, but the actual textbooks can be great for reference material, a lot of people find they don't need the textbooks at all. I would definitely recommend the BRS books, especially for embryology, histology, and anatomy. They have great practice questions and are a good summary of high yield material (they are available as PDFs as well).

Those are my main suggestions. If any current students are reading this and have suggestions of their own, please feel free to leave them in the comments section at the bottom of this page! Happy packing and looking forward to meeting everyone next semester!!

Craniotomy...I think it was just what the doctor ordered!

Down to the wire now, only five more days of classes and final exams after that and I will be home! I am so excited to see my family and friends, I find myself aching for them more and more. Of course we still have an embryology quiz tomorrow (which I should probably be studying for...but I feel pretty confident) and a histology group presentation on retinal detachment later this week. The end is finally in sight, although there is a lot of work and studying involved in getting there. I am finding myself feeling quite burnt out. Learning and studying all day every day for four months really wears a person down. It's hard to find the stamina to keep pushing through. I find myself more and more distracted, thinking about going home and getting these subjects behind me. I know I just need to put my head down and get through this, even though I'm kind of tired of putting in all the effort.

At the beginning of this block, I was so fed up with anatomy already. The enormous amount of material that you have to memorize is absolutely insane. I thought to myself -- "OK, head and neck...that's all that's left. Can't be that bad". WRONG. Just because the head and neck physically take up less space than the rest of the body doesn't mean jack. There are so many tiny vessels and nerves to be crammed. The famous twelve cranial nerves might be the death of me. The skull is full of tiny little holes and you have to know what each one is there for...what travels in and out of them. Every move you make from a stuck out tongue, a flare of the nostrils, or a wink of the eye has such a complicated pathway to make it happen. How does the brain do all of these things? What will happen if there is the tiniest problem with one of the nerves? How does each part of the head and face get it's blood supply? What lymph nodes drain fluid from each part? And hey, quick, learn this in a couple of weeks.

Today was definitely one of the most awesome days in the lab -- we did a craniotomy. I helped to manually saw off the skull of my cadaver and remove the brain. What a rush! And a lot of work....a couple of the other students and I stayed in lab an hour late, sawing away. Then we took a chisel and hammer to the skull to get it off and finally got at the master control centre of our body. Holding a human brain in your hands is definitely a once in a lifetime experience. It's hard to believe everything we think, do, say, and feel comes from this slimy, intricate organ.

What else has been happening? Other than study, study, study...not a heck of a lot. Most people seem to be feeling the same way as me, just doggy paddling toward the light at the end of the tunnel (well...the tunnel that is MD1, anyway). The students in MD4 are getting ready to have their White Coat Ceremony on the weekend, then they leave the island for good and get to move on to the next chapter. I can't imagine how they must be feeling. It will be sad to see them go! They are a great group that bring a lot of energy to our school. I'll miss my group of friends that I do yoga with at lunch three days a week, and others that I have become close with in the last several months. I am sure we will cross paths again in Chicago. And hey, they can keep in touch and give us the low down about what happens on the other side.

In my last post I was mentioning that we were going to be celebrating American Thanksgiving at our place -- we did, and it was awesome! About half of our class showed up to the potluck. There was an insane amount of amazing food and it was great for everyone to just relax and have a few hours to not worry about school. It was a little late for the Canadians, but it was a night of reflection and thanks. We are all going through this thing together, we are together all day long five days a week, and it is nice when once in awhile we all do something that is not related to school.

What a feast :)

ROOMIES! 

Our MD1 Clan :)

Well...I must get studying for this embryology test tomorrow. The countdown to home continues!

XOXOX